Public Service Announcement...and more!

Did you know that all adults under 65 who expect to have close contact with an infant younger than 12 months should get a Tetanus, Diphtheria, Pertussis (Tdap) vaccine? It would have been nice to know that, oh, before I birthed four children. Don't worry. I got one tonight. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's back up a bit, shall we?

The kids and I were cleaning for the company we're expecting tomorrow. Jeremy was on his way to see his 'girlfriend' Fergie of The Black Eyed Peas in concert. (And I was in no way bitter or jealous of his evening plans.) Generally when cleaning, I make a pile of toys, clothes, etc. that go upstairs, and the kids transport them to where they belong.


I was walking to put my last few things down, and as quick as lightning, was on the ground in a wet spot on the floor. (If you read my last post, you will remember that this was the second day in a row that I took a little spill. Yesterday the casualty was my phone. Today, it was me.) As my legs went out from under me, my foot hit the bottom step. It was instant pain, and I just knew my toe was broken. (And I have asked God's forgiveness for the words that spilled from my mouth at that moment.)


"Why is the floor wet, Thomas?" "I found a rubber ducky and squeezed the water out of it."


Y'all. There are just no words. Well, there are, but I won't say them again. God is working overtime trying to forgive me. ;)


It turns out my toe wasn't broken. No. Upon impact with the stairs, it just ripped apart from my foot. Aaaaaaand....commence bleeding. Blood. Everywhere. Four kids. Staring. "Can someone please get me a towel? Oh, and Anna, run up and get my camera. No one will ever believe how much blood this is!"


(Don't forget this is a Liardon story. All Liardon stories have an "In the meantime..." segment. In the meantime, Lucy took advantage of Mommy bleeding all over creation, and decided to get the food coloring out of the pantry. Her hands and my wood floors are now yellow.)


The phone started ringing, so Thomas ran to answer it. It was my mom. "Mama, I am bleeding all over the place. And this phone is dying." I even giggled to her that I thought I might need stitches. Of all days to not have a cell phone. Truly. After about fifteen minutes the bleeding was slowing down, so I hobbled next door with the kids in tow. My neighbor was very positive, and at first thought she might be able to fix my toe herself. But, it was mighty fleshy looking.


She offered to watch the kids (my four and her four) so I could drive up to the little emergency room. It was my driving foot. Sweet. They checked me in and took my vitals. That's when the nurse asked, "Have you had a Tetanus shot in the last 5 years?" No. "In the last 10 years?" No. It's probably been almost 20. "Okay, we'll need to give you one."


The doctor took one look at it and said, "Oh, you'll need some stitches." Sooooo glad I went with the ER doctor instead of Nurse Carla next door. Anyway, he came in to stitch me up, and the nurse came in to give me my (apparently long overdue) Tdap. I remembered that line from Raising Arizona. "Has he gotten his Tdap? You gotta do that Hi." I asked them both if they'd seen that movie. They just looked at me, expressionless, at first. Then, as deadpan as ever, the doctor said, "Son, you gotta panty on your head." I giggled. I almost quoted my favorite line from the movie, but it's about mentrual cramps. I mean, I had just met the guy.


I stopped giggling when I saw the lidocaine needle. Crikey. That thing was huge. He warned me that there are more nerve endings in your toes, fingers, and lips than anywhere else. Nice.


So, long story long, I got five stitches on my pinky toe. Took me almost 33 years, but I finally got stitches. War wounds, baby.

Bandaged Toe and Hospital Bracelet. This was serious, people. Be glad I didn't put the blood picture on here.

Lucy showing off her yellow hands.